Orwell Wheelers 2015 CycloCross Championships

Long Story Short

I finished 9th out of 15 riders,
I got lapped by Eric and Barry L,
I was involved in the course design and setup.

Strava

View the ride on Strava: Orwell CX Champs. 9th/15.
View the Race on Strava Flybys: Orwell Wheelers CycloCross Championships.

Course Segment

Short Story Long

Build-Up

Sometimes I like to lie awake at night and wonder “How many times could Eric lap me in a 45 minute CycloCross race?” On the morning of Saturday the 2nd of January 2016, I got my answer. This is my story…

Stephen announced the idea for an Orwell CX Champs at the skills session with Robin Seymour back in September. The idea was approved at the AGM. Stephen had asked for some help with the organising. Eric and I said that we would help out where possible. Stephen sorted all the details; the date, booking the park and sourcing the course marking hardware. We arranged to mark out the course on a Saturday, with Eric running the rule over it on the Sunday. Eugene was pioneering the promotional side of the event. We collaborated on the Preview Post. We agreed that Eric was the favourite, but disagreed about the women’s favourite. Eugene’s copy about Brianne being “a classic kampieonschap renster” proved to be foreshadowing that only Christopher Nolan’s “The Prestige” could outdo.

Pre-Race

Come the morning of the event everyone arrived almost simultaneously. Stephen unloaded 50 poles, some barrier creation paraphernalia and 40 mini-flags created by his family, which we used for the directions. Jen had contributed sweet-looking cakes and buns. I forgot to enquire about the origin of the tea and coffee, but that was a nice touch too.

Barry M, Daisy, Eric and I began the setup for the course’s first obstacle, a series of corners. With the limited amount of poles at our disposal, we had to be clever. I decided to just mark the inside of the corners with gates to aim for on the exit of the corners which would serve as the entry to the next corner.

With my section complete, I headed back to get my bike and warmup. Darragh was putting down flags. Damien was erecting the barriers. There was a crowd amassing with Garret’s band of merry men arriving. Dennis was handling the sign-on. Non-cycling people were looking over the fence, probably wondering if it was a crime scene or an archaeological excavation.

It was decided that we would have a neutral lap to get everyone familiar with the course. Myself and Eric lead the lap. Eric showed the way through the ammonia-soaked soil of the tree section that he had designed.

Eoin was the mystery man. The new signing, donning his UCC colours would start alongside the other three in the Chase group. Eoin was missed in the preview post, but he has been prominent in the B races. He scored a 4th in Fixx’s Glencullen, 2nd in DCCX’s Killruddery and the following week took victory in Sundrive’s The Muddy Cup.

Author’s Note: some of the details below may seem harsh, but it’s all tongue-in-cheek.

Aidan, Eric, Eoin and Valdis, the four horsemen of the A-pocalypse, were released first by the race commissaire. They would be starting a lap down. Once they had cleared the first series of corners the quintet of ladies were unleashed. The magic number of five competitors would make this a regulation Club Championship event. They would be getting a head start on the remaining men.

The four vets and one junior were combined with the two B-racers. Barry was leaving his jacket on until the last minute, as is Belgian tradition. I tried to distract Mike, first enquiring; “How is the hat business going?” and next asking him if he already had puncture. It didn’t work though, Mike brushed it off with a rye grin.

My goal for the day was to level the head-to-head with Barry, at three apiece. Mike, in absence of Richard and John, issued a challenge to me; “You and me today?” I had watched one too many Conor McGregor videos to quietly back down. I was just about to retort with a “I love this beautiful country…” spiel, but…

Race

The ladies entered the series of corners and the whistle blew for us. I completely forgot to setup my pedal for entry, this lead to some fluffing with clipping in. On a scale of one to Matt Stephens (of GCN fame), it was about a three. I discovered that I was second-last, just ahead of Malcom, or Lloyd (according to Strava), competing on his MTB. I just got passed Barry and Mike before the first corner. Everyone else, except us three course abiding riders, skipped this first obstacle. There was no point moaning about it, in the end, we were well beaten by Barry K and Eddie. There were a few more liberties taken with my beloved course, which lead to the deployment of some no-nonsense marshals.

Barry went out the back after the tree section. Ciaran was forced out with a puncture. I was able to keep pace with Mike for two and a bit laps. Together we passed three fifths of the ladies, Naoise, Aisling and Sandra. On the third lap the heavy ground was getting the better of me. My next two laps drifted from 6:44 to 7:04. My final three laps were 7:19. Mike vanished into the horizon. Orla was my next capture. Looking forward I could see Eddie doing battle with Brianne over the barriers. I really wanted to gain on them, but every lap they edged past the position that I marked them at the previous lap.

The crowd was cheering really well, with Dick, Killian and Garret being the most audible. This encouragement softened the blow of Eric et al. coming up to pass me for position. Eric passed me on the corners at the start of the lap. Eoin put the move on me into the increasingly slippy corner at the bottom of the descent. Valdis took me over by the bonfire pit. Aidan put me away under the trees.

The one section of the course that was the hardest was the run back to the start line. It was so bumpy that it was just battering all the little muscles and tendons in my spine. It’s a condition listed in the BroScience Medical Textbook as “Cross Back”. Cross Back can be a two day affair when DOMS sets in the next morning. It can be solved by going for a recovery ride to remove the lactic acid from the affected areas.

Towards the end of the race, the commissaire said “Two laps” to me. I immediately heard him and Damien Long say “Last lap Eric”. Race leader, Eric Downey was about to lap me. He floated like a butterfly up the drag en route to taking the checkered flag.

Next time I looked back, I seen Barry K looming large. He put me to the sword on the run to the line. He was pretty nice about it, and had some nice words as he passed me. We clapped the rest of the riders home. No one pulled out any Mathieu Van Der Poel style celebrations. There’s always next year.

Post-Race

After the race, we posed for a photo. We each grabbed some of the course markers, many hands made light work. The course was dismantled within minutes. The winners were announced. Mike produced his box of head apparel, now dubbed the “Handley Hats”. When I got home, I pulled the bike apart and gave it a thorough cleaning, as my CycloCross season was now over.