Club League Update Rounds 9 - 11: Deja-Vu Part 2

Intro

I was going to post an introductory quote, but when I Googled "mistake quotes", I got a bunch of those fucking retarded WordPorn bullshit quotes. You know the quotes, "Men are pigs", that a certain gender shares on their Facebook pages and Instagram pages.

For those of you playing Luke GJ Potter Blog Post Bingo, please tick off, Misogyny, Wild Uncontrollable Anger and Profuse Swearing. For current and prospective employers and cycling club sponsors, this is just banter, lighthearted jokes and tongue in cheek commentary on things.

Screw it, I'm gonna use a quote, from some George Santayana geezer:

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

The Deja-Vu continued for the next three weeks.

Round 9: Green Sheds Circuit at Black Bull

Since going to Spain to Sinead's Yoga 4 Cyclists/Cycle Sierra Nevada trip in March, I've been struggling with my knees. It lead to my calves not feeling like they were attached to my body. I finally had enough and e-mailed some Aidan Hammond geezer. It was my cleats were pointing my feet in unnatural directions. The outcome was that my knee pain disappeared overnight. Aidan also made some adjustments to my bar orientation and saddle setback. This made massive differences to my descending and neck/shoulder blade comfort. I had replaced them myself before going to Spain, and they were slightly different Look cleats. The ones with the rubber under them.

"Do you have some race this evening Luke?" - Jay (work colleague).
"You have to win this one, how many times you try now?" - Devys (work colleague).
"Lads, I'm just back from Canada, I've eaten shit loads of Pizza over the last ten days. My day will come, but tonight I am hoping for to be in the group after one lap." - Luke (ginger jesus).

Immediate Deja-Vu Alert! Like last year, I rocked up to Black Bull with a new position on the bike. Last year, this race, was my Rose Xeon CW's debut, I had just been to BikeFitStudio to get fitted. Except this year, I didn't bleed all over the bike fitter's floor. Although I did drip water on Aidan's floor, as it was a stormy night outside the M50.

The sizable Semi-Limit group were unleashed to hound down the not so sizable Louise group. I was Ramsey Bolton, with my team of mutts, hunting Sansa Stark. We merged after 10km. I was near the front going into each of the next five roundabouts.

Gar and Killer decided to go on the attack after the fourth one. The guy with the Penguin stickers on his bike was charged with chasing them down. The aforementioned Penguin stickers were a prize for being "Second Best Ginger" on the aforementioned Sinead's Sierra Nevada cycling trip. This lone, Penguin sticker-clad hero, was none other than your protagonist.

I love the words "aforementioned" and "clad".

More Deja-Vu incoming. Last year's race was littered with me dishing out some verbal handbags to other riders, Romano particularly. Romano raced that race smart, stuck to his gameplan and finished 3rd. Again, I apologise Romano. I am not immune to bouts of being a cunt. This year's race demanded verbal handbags. As a living entity, it would possess a rider and have it's due.

After my chase of Gar and Killer, and my diet of Pizza. One rider came up-and-over me. He took the fucking piss. The 15m gap he left me to close was textbook shit-cuntery. He promptly got a "Slow up you fuck, what the fuck are you fucking doing?" and some Italian hand gestures. Given my oxygen debt from the chase, clear sentences like these were a miracle. I had never hysterically replied "What?" to a World Champion, but I crossed that off my Bucket List when Orla said to me "You should've closed that gap". Black Bull - Batterstown Banter though!

After the turn onto the Trim road, I was feeling spectacular. We got into a five man, one woman break. Myself, Gar, Killer, Rachel and two other fallen angels I can't remember. Team Louise reigned us back in like the wild Mustangs we were. Grouppo Compacto.

Then there was this drag. I completely lost my shit. I took leave of my senses and tried to attack up this hill. I remember saying to myself "Lets get the KOM points, attack, drop them all, you feel phenomenal, pizza is a super food." I blew up, spectacularly I might add. Louise tried to give me encouragement to get into a group, but my night was done. I had plenty of time to think "What were you thinking? What KOM points? I really need to stop eating pizza."

I was joined by Mr. Foley in the Luke-etto (Groupetto for Lukes). We made it to the finish line of the circuit. As we pulled in, Scratch, who had merged with Semi-Scratch, passed us. Sean gave us some hand gestures quizzing why we were stopping. We hung out at the finish line for awhile. They had enough marshals, so Jules, Colin (or Paul), Lucy and a dropped Dan rolled back to the car park with me. I was just at my car, when I realised that we didn't wait for my Luke-etto comrade. Sorry Luke, we fucked up.

The latest Deja-Vu, was riding back with Jules. This time last year, we were dropped, after he crashed and I waited up for him. Last year was also the first time I heard of Diarmuid. He lost his Garmin in the aforementioned crash.

It's a tough drive back from Black Bull. You are alone, and you must confront your inner demons. You are given two choices, 1. Formulate a plan to conquer them, or 2. Give up on life, drive your car of the road and take them with you.

I was at home, hosed, and sipping a hot choco in my extremely manly PJs as the race finished. I think that Semi-Limit and Louise were just caught near the end of the race. Killer got a 7th, after getting skunked on the line. The Scratch groups mopped up the placings.

Men's Results

1. Diarmuid O'C
2. Brian McN
3. Jules C
4. Sean M
5. Gavin D
6. Bernard E

Women's Results

1. Aideen
2. Rachel
3. Emily

Finish Line Video

Round 10: Brittas

This round was cancelled due to lack of an Ambulance. I was due to Marshall. In the words of the Philosopher McArdle "You're off the hook."

I had a nightmare that Thursday, I burnt my tongue on some soup in work, then again in the evening with a Cappiccuno.

I used the time to catch up with a bro, and pack for Orwell KAS, in Tralee. There is more Deja-Vu; I didn't compete in the round Brittas round before the TKAS last year. That was due to a crazy rain storm.

On the drive down to Kerry, I finished off The Gunslinger on Audible. The car was roasting hot. Even with the Air-Con on. I heard this hissing sound from inside the car. Was it a snake? No, it was the patch on my bike's tyre. The glue was melting and the air was escaping. The order of business upon my arrival was to take a shower and eat dinner. Then I had to replace the tube. In Orwell KAS, I took the two short routes. It was a nice warm weekend, and I took it really easy. Although the Sunday night, I avoided Deja-Vu. I learned from my past mistake. I opted for the pasta, rather than the pizza that gave me Gastroenteritis last time.

Monday, tired, slightly hungover, listening to The Drawing of Three and dodging speed vans, I drove home. Tralee to Dublin, via the image of the War Criminal that marked Barrack Obama Plaza. #YemenLivesMatter #CongoLivesMatter

Round 11: Mondello Park Crit: 1 hour + 2 laps

Deja-Vu again. Back from Kerry, soon discovered that I had Great Form and that Mondello was the next race. Brian Mc won this race last year, with a solo break in the final laps. I was dropped near the end of the race and needed to take an emergency shit, due to the aforementioned Gastroenteritis.

Team Limit (Photo by David Swift)

Our sizable Semi-Limit group was chasing after the four person Limit cohort, which included the returning Helen. Without our spiritual leader Garret, who was race organiser this evening, we didn't have anyone to lead. It took a lap for anyone to hit the front, but it was Your Penguin Sticker-clad Protagonist who organised the chase.

Team Semi-Limit (Photo by David Swift)

I took a lot of hard turns and resting in the bunch. Semi-Limit were motoring. There was a really satisfying turn with Luke Foley where, after a turn I slid in behind him like a Track Team Pursuitist. But we could not escape the enclosing Semi-Scratch group.

Team Semi-Scratch (Photo by David Swift)

We were reeled in along the main straight. I noticed Mike, and knew we were caught. Sean came zooming by. He wanted to press on with the Semi-Scratch riders. I let them set some pace for a few corners. But I was having to sprint out of the turns to maintain contact. I cannot sprint. I made a big effort to get to the front. I took turns with Graham, Eoin, Stephen and Mike. I was feeling mega-strong here. Sean was strategically conserving energy in the bunch.

The last corner on the circuit was getting tricky with the number of riders. I had a great line I wanted to take through it, but I kept getting dive bombed. This lead to a hesitant approach to it. I would lose a lot of places.

On what would be my last lap, I had to make up loads of places on the main straight, after a terrible last corner. I was exhausted at the top of the straight. I almost took Richard out on the run out of the first corner. I recovered around the next few bends and made my way back to the front. I tried to tell Graham that we were "Bike Buddies" as we have the same bike frame. But this joke was lost on him at 42km/h.

Team Scratch with League Leader Brian McN (Photo by David Swift)

I hit the front going into the corner with a big push. But it happened again. My calf cramped. I tried to massage it at 90 cadence, but it didn't work. I put my hand up and edged over to the side of the track. As Latin speakers would say "Raceious Overious". I sweated al ot in the warm up and didn't rehydrate properly. Valdis later advised me on putting Electrolyte tabs in the race bidon and to do calf raises.

I was sickened. I was going so strong. All I wanted to do was finish a race with the front group. It's been a shit season so far with all the DNFs. This was my best chance to finish a race.

Louise, Rachel and Rafael came by in the next group. The asked me to join them, but I was just coasting around and didn't acknowledge them. The Scratch group was next to pass me. I went into the pits and straight to the car to relax.

As I finished changing and tempering my rage after another DNF. I could see Scratch merge with the other groups. I walked to the start/finish line to hang with the other dropped riders. I reported that the groups had merged. We watched the peloton go by. The scratch riders were trying to attack and isolate Brian Mc. Other greedy riders were also trying to get in on the action, but this was neutralising the moves. All this was playing into the hands of The Man of The Ras.

This guy doesn't fuck around. (Photo by David Swift)

As the one hour time limit expired, Brian attacked. He hugged the railing as he took leave of the group with the gusto of a Mormon exiting an Abortion Clinic come Strip Club type of establishment. Would the result of last year be repeated?

The other excitement on track was Rachel versus Louise for the final Ladies point. They were together until Rachel attacked. We were cheering on Rachel's bravery and Louise and Rafael's Teamwork.

At the end of the extra laps, Brian won solo. Valdis took the bunch kick, claiming points to reduce the gap to the Green Jersey clad League Leader. Orla took two points in the women's league, by virtue of finishing in the front group. Rachel out-foxed Louise for the final point.

Men's Results

1. Brian Mc
2. Valdis
3. Bryan
4. Diarmuid C
5. Simon S
6. Brian McN

Women's Results

1. Orla
2. Rachel

Finish Line Video

Sorry for the lack of Slo-Mo, my Nexus 5X has its 120fps feature removed by some fucking nerd at Google.