And I Would've Gotten Away With It, If It Weren't For Those Pesky 0.05 W/KG

To the Zwift Riders Facebook Group, there is nothing worse than cheating in a Zwift Race. Luke GJ Potter has irked their ire. With his reputation in tatters, he has released this statement.

Potter Disqualified After ZADA Violation

Firstly, I would like to apologise to my dogs. They are good dogs and don't deserve the Media trespassing on my property trying to take creep shots. I would also hope that my family, friends and club mates can forgive me and that once my fifteen minutes of unwanted fame have passed.

My violation of ZADA (Zwift Anti-Doping Authority) was flagged on ZwiftPower.com. It was in relation to me exceeding the upper limit of performance for a D-Category rider for the KISS Europe Race on Thursday 08/03/2018 at 20:06.

I have not taken Performance Enhancing Drugs. I am in the process of returning from an almost inexplicable accumulation of Body Fat. This was brought on by being severely deficient in Vitamin-D. After taking a Vit-D mega-booster, I cleaned up my diet. Drinking Huel for Breakfast and Porridge with Berries and Almond Milk for Dinner.

I have started a Strength and Conditioning Plan with Dave Potter Fitness, my brother who is a Personal Trainer. We are working on functional strength. We started with a Kettle Bell Instruction Session as I planned to implement these into my S&C. Dave also ensured that my form was correct on the other exercises he suggested for my planning. He had a great tip to correct my squatting problem of falling backwards.

This lead to my weight dropping, as my body is dropping body fat with almost Triamcinolone-like effects.

With my honest weight reporting based on my Nokia Health Scale, I am fully committed to ZADA and it's great work.

I fully deny that I have any TUEs, or that I am on anything other than my bike, busting my ass.

Author's Note: In case you weren't aware, all the stuff above and below this note is jokes.

Entering the London Underground in First Place.

The Race

It was my first proper race, I was nervous. I had done a Time Trial a fortnight previous, where I scored a second place in D-Category, losing by three seconds after a mid-race name change.

I had some pre-race banter with another new rider, Bath Salts. The start of the race was tough, and eight riders were gaped immediately. They were unaware that Zwift Races start with a sprint. CycloCross-Style!

With ten riders remaining in the front group after two-minutes, we fanned out. Two riders attacked. I bridged over, and sat on. Some more riders bridged over. Two riders didn't make it. Now there was eight.

The group split up on the short six percent hill before the roundabout. I regained the ceeded ground on the descent by punching it over the crest of the hill. Grupo Compacto! The two riders attacked again before the Red road section of the London Course. The peloton allowed them ten seconds and held them there.

I moved my setup outside, as Storm Emma's Snow was gone, and I would need more cooling than a data centre.

Some spat C-Category riders were coming back and were doing a little pulling in our group. We reeled back the duo. I tried to attack over the top, but I didn't get anywhere. The effort got me to third wheel. I started to slip in the group. Sitting in the group would allow me to keep my average wattage below the 2.5 Watts per Kilo limit for D-Category.

The next effort I needed to make was over the bridge, where it is five percent for a few seconds. I entered the London Underground section in first place. Next up, would be the climb up Box Hill.

I was in the lead group for the first minute of Box Hill. It is three kilometers at four percent. It is flat at the top, so the section with the hairpins is five to seven percent. I let the group go and decided to ride at my own pace. I used a steady 2.7 W/KG to get to the top. As the riders getting shelled for D and C groups were coming backwards, I was giving little burst efforts to ensure they would not impede my virtual character's progress.

After an 11:04 time, my third fastest, I railed the flat part and punched it over the steep ramp before the Fox Hill Descent. I had fifteen seconds on the Irish rider who was tailing me, Stevie Mcguire.

On the flat roads, I let Stevie catch up. We worked together taking turns riding at 2.7 W/KG on the flat. So the rider in the draft was riding at 2.0 W/KG. We caught up to a Geman rider who joined on. Our new addition was just sitting on. There was a German duo thirty seconds behind. We were holding the gap to the riders behind. The German would not work, he was too busy admiring my Thicc Virtual Ass.

The leaders of D-Grade were so far ahead, that we were battling for fourth. Before the next time over the five percent bridge, Stevie privately messaged me. "This lad is waiting for his mates, we have to go". The two paddies were eating some Smart Spuds. We eased up, forcing Ze German to ze western front. We would've disappeared off this screen. Then we attacked. We put four seconds into him and held it all the way to the foot of the final ascent of Box Hill.

Das German put Das Boot down and rode Box Hill at 3.0W/KG. I was riding Box Hill at 2.7W/Kg, with D-Category's 2.5 limit in mind. I was hoping that coasting on the descent would even out my average.

I dropped Stevie after a few minutes. My second ascent of Box Hill was completed in 11:00. I caught the German guy on the hard ramp after the Box Hill KOM and we rode the descent like Hansel and Grettle in their prime. My heart and head knew that it was business time. I was so nervous now. Had I eaten my mom's spaghetti, it would've been on my sweater already.

2.3km left. I took to the front to set the pace. I gave it a nudge over the little ramp in the subway station, then he caught up on the steep ramp. I hit it hard as I shifted into the little cogs, this was to make up for the trainer lag, so I wouldn't lose power output.

I have a forty tooth chain ring on my bike. I was not going to out sprint anyone. I had only once choice and it was in the workout appendix of Allen and Cogan's Training and Racing with a Power Meter; Race Winning Intervals. Continuous mini-surges with a return to threshold to zap the sprinter's legs. Being on the receiving end of this strategy is not nice.

Analysis of the final.

1km to go, Tower Bridge. I wasn't going to leave it to a sprint. I gave it a hard 10 second effort, he lost a second. I gave it another hard 15 second nudge at 750m to go, he was 4 seconds down.

500m, Voodoo Luke took his soul. A hard effort and he gave up, I just kept him at 14 seconds until I got over the line for 4th on the road. I knew I had won the moral victory.

I was hoping that my average power to weight ratio would not be above 2.5 W/Kg. This is not presented on the race complete screen. All that said was "4th, 1:17:50, 183W". I didn't want to divide my 183 Watts by my obese 71 KG. Thereby, demoralising my moral victory.

Once my legs stopped wobbling and the adrenaline wore off, I realised that I was shirtless outside. I toweled myself off. Put on a hoodie and brought my equipment inside. My bib shorts were soaked from all the sweat. They were more salty than an Internet hater.

After a shower, I pulled up ZwiftPower's Results and my heart sank. I was DQ'ed. Stevie got the win, I was happy for him and his honest victory. I messaged him on Strava complimenting our riding, telling him that I rolled up that German into a Schnitzel.

The winner finished seven minutes ahead, pas normal et pas moral behaviour. I can't wait to jump back into racing and cheat even better.


Zwift Power Result: KISS Europe Race (25.2 mi / 40.6 km) I'm in the Unfiltered Results.
Strava Activity: KISS EUROPE RACE - D.